Monday Memory

Everyone has a memorable picture that brings a smile to their face and fills our heart with a story.   Monday Memory was adopted from Living with Food Allergies and Celiac Disease and occurs the last Monday of each month.  It allows us to share that favorite photo along with an interesting story.   If you choose to participate this month, please remember to drop your link in the comments section of each Memory you visit, so that we may come and visit your site.

This Moment

This Moment

"A single photo – no words – capturing a moment from the week.  A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember."

“This Moment” is a ritual found on Life inspired by theWee Man adopted from SouleMama which was introduced to me by Sarah-Jane, author of Almost There. If you find yourself touched by a Moment and would like to participate, post your picture on a Friday and leave your link in the comments section.

'Add your Comment'

Image by premasagar via Flickr

What would a blog be if there wasn't some type of option to leave a comment?  Whether positive or negative, comments are good.  They leave the author of the blog feeling that their readers were interested enough in their topic to generate something in reply.

This Moment

This Moment

"A single photo – no words – capturing a moment from the week.  A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember."

“This Moment” is a ritual found on Life inspired by theWee Man adopted from SouleMama which was introduced to me by Sarah-Jane, author of Almost There. If you find yourself touched by a Moment and would like to participate, post your picture on a Friday and leave your link in the comments section.

Damn! I'm So Bored!

What does a person do when they have so much to do, but their body just says 'Hell No' to doing it?  If you have been following my blog, then you know that I hurt my back about a week and a half ago.  I know, I should have taken my sorry ass to the doctor and got it taken care of.  But seriously, I am actually terrified of going to a doctor.  I will have to be half dead before I resort to that!

Image by danmachold via Flickr

This Moment

This Moment

"A single photo – no words – capturing a moment from the week.  A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember."

“This Moment” is a ritual found on Life inspired by theWee Man adopted from SouleMama which was introduced to me by Sarah-Jane, author of Almost There. If you find yourself touched by a Moment and would like to participate, post your picture on a Friday and leave your link in the comments section.

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I Don't Sit Well!

When we found that we would be losing our house last August, we were led to believe that we only had a couple of weeks to move.  Well obviously, that wasn't true, but that is besides the point.  The house that we now live in needs a lot of work.  What was not disclosed at the time of purchase was that it had extensive fire damage.  We came across that knowledge when we began to replace the floor and had to remove floor boards.  Along with the fire damage, we found multiple areas that also had termite damage.  Unfortunate as that is, we are still trying to attempt 'fixing' it up with a positive attitude which isn't always easy to have.

Aside of the fact that all the walls, ceilings, and floors have to be replaced, the house truly needs a complete overhaul!  In tearing down the walls, we found that the house has absolutely no insulation in it!  And I wondered why I was having a $500.00 electric bill each month this past winter, well duh!!!

'Straight from the Heart' Award

There are a lot of awards floating around out there and they all come with some type of stipulation.  I designed the 'Straight from the Heart' Award as an award to bestow on writers that pour their heart and soul, one way or another, into their blog.  They are bloggers that go above and beyond to allow their readers to experience what they are feeling, what is floating around in their head, what is in their heart and soul.

A Huge Big Thank YOU!

Friday was a horrendous day for me.  Up until that point, I had held it together for most of the time with minimal breakdowns.  I want to thank each and every one of you who took the time to leave me a heartfelt comment.  Although I wasn't up to answering each one individually, I did read them and took each one to heart.  Your love and support was greatly appreciated.

It's an odd thing, this blogging world.  I have met some tremendous people here, some of which have I have become very close to.

No 'Friday Moment' for me. Today is The Day.

Image by joseph a via Flickr

Today will be the longest day of my life.  Today, all my past dreams and expectations feel as they are coming to an end and I am helpless to do anything about it.  Today, I want to find a deep hole and crawl down inside and cover myself up.  Today, our home of 15 years is being auctioned away on the front steps of the County Court house.

It has been 9 months since we walked out the door and tried hard not to look back, but the memories are still so much a part of me.  My mind continues to be flooded with times we spent building our house and making it a home.  Sometimes, it overwhelms me and I can't turn it off.

For years, my husband and I dreamed of building our own log home.  We spent years looking at log home packages.  Finally, after realizing that I would never find one that was just quite what I wanted, I designed my own. We were there, every cement block that was laid, every log laid, every window and door put in.  Our sweat and being is in every orifice of that house!  Every room tells a story.

 From the ground up...

Holds a memory for me...

Oh, how afraid I was to look down...

How everything had to be just perfect...

Every spec of my personality went into this house...

Each room was unique....

Everything was custom, nothing on paper....

 Straight out of my imagination...

Designing a separate level for my father and my children...

Choosing every light fixture for special reasons...

Everything was perfect...

So absolutely perfect!

So, what happened?  A lot happened in a very short period of time.  Mainly, I lost large clients.  Mostly, I wasn't prepared!  I wasn't ready for a set-back.  Everything was going along great and then the economy fell apart and we were gravely affected by it.  We had a cushion, but it didn't last long.
Nine months I have prepared for this day.  I have been telling myself 'this is a chance to turn over a new leaf, live a new life'.  Well, everyone, I am here to tell you that it is a crock of shit!  Most people don't know our situation.  Of the ones that do, most don't say anything, the rest just tell me to get over it and move on.  So very easy to say!  I really had myself convinced that I was 'over it'!  But getting closer and closer to today has made me realize that I am not.  I want to kick and scream!  I want to tear somebody's head off!  I want to...I want to...

I am sick at the thought that someone else will drive up our driveway and walk into our house.
I am sick to my stomach to think that someone else will be living in our house!  Sleeping in our bedroom!  Cooking in my damn kitchen!  Have horses in our barns and pastures!
Am I pissed???  I don't know what to call all the emotions that I am experiencing right now.  All I know is that as of 10:01 am this morning someone else will own a 6,192 sq foot, custom designed log home with ~30 acres of prime farm land and 3 barns, one of which is a riding arena.
I sit here writing and realize that there is a part of me that just wants to be held close, to hear the words "everything is going to be alright, this doesn't matter".  I want someone to hold me and comfort me.  I don't want to be the 'strong, responsible woman that everyone expects me to be.  May I have permission to be weak just one day??  I need that break today.

Can someone please tell me how I should feel?
How do I get these memories and images to leave my mind?
How do I move on and leave the negativity behind?©